


If I could I would Feel Nothing

by orphan_account



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Aged-Up Yuri Plisetsky, Alternate Universe - Bar/Pub, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety Attacks, Collage, Drinking to Cope, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Otayuri, F/F, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Heavy Drinking, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, JJ Is A Dick, Jealous Otabek, Living Together, Long-Haired Yuri Plisetsky, M/M, Oblivious Yuri, Protective Yuri Plisetsky, Sad Otabek, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, author loves jj but needs him for this role, demisexual otabek, otayuri - Freeform, otayuri is the main ship, slight pliroy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-10-20 18:54:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10668750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Yuri and Otabeks getting together wasn't smooth sailing. In fact it was more like a ship wreak, sudden disaster then fighting for survival..





	1. Locked Out

**Author's Note:**

> this is not Beta'd so if there are any mistakes please feel free to leave a comment.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bus finally came and Yuri climbed in, payed for a ticket and sat down on the first available seat on the thankfully relatively empty bus. with a sigh he leaned his head against the cold window, staring outside into the darkness. But all he could really see was his own reflection and so he closed his eyes

Fumbling to get his key in the lock of his apartment, Yuri sighed after quite a few attempts at getting the key to work. "I really need a new fucking key, now I have to wait for Otabek to get home" he grumbles. "hopefully he doesn't take too long" he slides down against the door and takes out his phone. Only a few minutes have passed when Yuri looks up to see Otabek walking down the hall towards Yuri and their apartment.

"Locked out again?" Otabek smirked standing in front of Yuri outstretching his hand .

"Ugh shut up" Yuri groaned, using Otabeks hand as support he stood up and stepped back from the door."i just need to get a new key"

"yura we have a spare key just take that" he unlocked the door and stepped back to let Yuri into the apartment.

"Beka that key is bright fucking pink like hell I'm gonna use that" Yuri groaned depositing his bag and shoes by the door and striding over to their large living room. "what are you making for dinner?" he asked practically throwing himself onto the plush couch. 

Otabek turned towards Yuri smirking "Its a surprise" then turned back around to continue preparing dinner.

it's always been like this, ever since Yuri decided to move in with Otabek. they get home around the same time, Yuri lays down on the couch and tells Otabek about his day and Otabek listens and gives the occasional reply when necessary while preparing dinner.

"and JJ showed up again today asking me on a date yet again, I don't know why this guy can't take no as a fucking answer" Yuri griped "its soo annoying"bhe'd had a tough day and was telling Otabek all about it.

"maybe you should just agree to shut him up" Otabek said jokingly 

"You cant be serious Beka He's so arrogant" yuri groaned.

"it was just an idea" Otabek put his hands up in mock surrender.

"so Beka enough about me, are you nervous for your set on Wednesday?" Yuri questioned cocking an eyebrow. Otabek always played at Yuri's work on Wednesdays. Yuri loved to listen to his bestfriend play guitar and preform, of course he loved when Otabek preforms Yuri loves the raw emotion the boy shows in his music. To Yuri Otabek was amazing although he mostly covered songs, when he does preform his own music its always something special.

"Hmm" Otabek paused. "I guess you could say I am relatively nervous but I'm also quite excited" he smiled at Yuri "I have an original to play"

Yuri sat up excitedly "Have I heard this one before?"

"No I do not believe you have heard this one before" Otabek set out plates on the counter to dish the food into. "Yura dinners done"

Yuri walks over to the stove to see what Otabek has made "fuck I love you, you always make just what I want without me even knowing I want it" yuri gleamed down at the pot of spaghetti in front of him.

"It's just pasta" Otabek chuckled pouring him and Yuri glasses of their favorite juice.

"but its your pasta!" Yuri exclaimed loading his plate with the food.

"thank you Yura" Otabek sat down on the couch with his food and started flipping through various television channels. "what do you want to watch tonight?" he stopped flipping through channels to look at the boy sitting down next to him in the same manner.

"I've picked the last three nights, why don't you pick a movie Beka" 

he switched the channel to a SouthPark re-run as they ate.  
~~

Yuri got up taking the plates and cups to the kitchen and put them in the dishwasher as Otabek sprawled out on the couch and began going through Netflix looking for a movie. Otabek sat up against the couch motioning to his lap when Yuri stood in front of him. 

The boy almost Jumped into his friends lap excited for one of his favorite parts of their daily routine, after dinner Otabek always played with his hair, styling it and braiding it while they watched films till one or both of them got tired enough to fall asleep. which usually meant Otabek carrying Yuri to his bed and tucking him in.

"Fast and Furious or The force awakens?" Otabeks heavily accented voice brought back to reality. realizing he'd zoned out while Otabek was playing with his hair he flushed.

"Force awakens for sure, I love Kylo Ren" Yuri grins.

"I thought you loved me" Otabek fake pouts

"okay well he comes in second" Yuri corrected

"why because he resembles you?" Otabek teased 

"does not!" Yuri exclaimed

"hmm, that's where you're wrong Yura" Otabek chuckled

"how so!" Yuri quirked an eyebrow at his friend not paying attention to the movie anymore.

"well he's an angsty teen with pale skin and long hair, ring a bell?" Otabek questioned, smirking at the flushed boy in front of him.

"oh shut up!" Yuri turned around and turned his attention towards the movie while Otabek played with his hair.

As the credit rolled through the screen signaling the end of the film, All that could be heard in the room was the soft snores of the two boys asleep together on the couch.


	2. A Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff? and slight supportive Viktor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember that Otabek and Yuri aren't dating they are just really good friends right now.

The next day Yuri woke up to his alarm echoing through the room with a groan he rolled over in his bed to turn off the alarm. except he wasn't in his bed and he had just fallen off the couch onto the hardwood floor of his living room.

"ow! fuck" he stood up cursing. by now Otabek had woken up and was getting up from the couch.

"are you okay Yura?" Otabek stood in front of Yuri holding his hand and looking for any signs of injury.

"I'm fine Beka don't worry" Yuri reassured him walking towards the kitchen

"I'm sorry yura I should have put you to bed but I fell asleep too" Otabek whined

"Beka! its fine I already told you, Besides I fell asleep too" Yuri replied filling a glass of water then taking a sip walking back into the living room.

"Thank you Beka breathed half for Yuri not being mad at him, Half for the glass of water Yuri had passed to him.

"I'm going to take a shower then I have to head out early for a morning class, I'll see you at the bar" Yuri stated striding over to his room and shutting the door. Yuri sighed grabbing clothes and heading to the shower. While he was showing he couldn't help but think how much he wasn't looking forward to today. He had a few morning lectures then he had to go to work, its not that he minds working at VITYA'S in fact he's been working there since Viktor had opened the Bar three years ago but the thought of having to deal with Viktor and Yuuri's disgusting displays of affection all night was not the most exciting thing. Once he'd finished his shower he got dressed, dried his hair and began to try and style his hair into the braid Beka always did. he groaned failing on his third try "how hard can a braid be for fucks sake Plisetsky'' after another ten minutes he'd officially given up. "Beka! can you come here please!" he hollered from the open bathroom.

Otabek was in the middle of getting dressed when he had heard Yuri call him. "Are you okay yura?" he called walking into the bathroom to find the blond looking in the mirror pouting. "what's up?" he asked gently turning the boy around. Yuri just pointed to the mess on top of his head keeping the same pout Otabek found him with. "Ah, I see" he hummed and got to fixing Yuri's hair into the usual fishtail braid, tying off the hair and patting Yuri's head. "All done" 

"thank you Beka honestly what would I do without you' he sighed Turing around to hug his friend.

"I'm sure you'd be fine but I can't say the same about your hair to be honest" he said in a teasing voice

"shut up" he laughed "alright I'm gonna be late so I need to hurry but I'll see you at VITYA'S, have a good day Beka" walking out the door and retrieving his stuff on the way out he sighed. He was working a shift 4- 8pm which meant the bar will be pretty quiet and thank god that means no JJ (hopefully). He drove to school and sighed pulling into a parking space. he walked into his lecture sitting down next to hi friends Phitchit. He hated lectures, Especially Art. Why the fuck does art even need Lectures but he still sat and listen to the short man at the front yell about arts and fucking crafts every few days. The rest of his classes going relatively the same. when he was done he walked out to his car and headed to his work, VITYA'S was only a few blocks from his collage (Thank god) so he arrived fairly quickly. he sat in his car and pulled out his phone to text Otabek before he starts work. He sent him a simple "Beka" and waiting for his reply a few minutes later Otabek texted him back

 

From: Yura.  
-  
Sent: I'm royally fucking bored and my shift doesn't start for another 20 Minutes >:(  
-  
From: I am free to come early today would you like me to?  
-  
Sent: Yes fuck I'm begging you, today is gonna be so fucking slow.  
-  
Form: I'll head over right now Yura, see you soon <3  
-  
Sent: <3

He walking into the bar making a B line for the bathroom so he could change before Viktor got to him and started lecturing him on how he needs to treat customers after he got into an argument with a customer last week. He tied his apron up and fixed his hair feeling a little giddy knowing Otabek was going to be playing a show tonight and preforming a new song. He walked behind the bar and started making Otabeks usual pre show drink a blue Russian for him. As if on cue Viktor took a seat right in front of him.

"ah hello Yurio" Viktor beamed.

"what do you want old man?" He paused to throw a questioning look towards Viktor then proceeded with the drink.

"well I just wanted to tell you that I know Otabeks playing a show today at 5 so I booked your break off at 5"

"O-Oh thank you Viktor" He looked up surprised. 

"Anything for you two lovebirds~" Viktor said in singsong 

"Ugh shut up old man" Yuri seethed

The two were cut off from bickering when the Bell at the door when off indicating someone had arrived. "Ah Otabek hello!" Viktor gleamed at the Kazakh man. walking towards the very back and disappearing behind the door.

"Hello Viktor" he shouted then walked behind the bar to give Yuri a hug "hello yura"

"Hey Beka" Yuri leaned backwards into Otabeks embrace. "Your drinks ready' he slid the glass in front of him and Otabek walked around the bar to take a seat in front of it.

"Ah thank you yura" He took a sip and pulled out his phone to snap a photo.

"really Altin" Yuri quirked and eyebrow

"It's pretty Yura" he said taking a large sip

"whatever you say pretty boy"

"kotyonok that's not nice" Otabek teased

"ugh shut the fuck up"

"But then I can't sing for you" Yuri looked up at him thoughtfully

"Except that. you can always sing for me"

Otabek started laughing while finishing off his drink "speaking of singing I should go set up" He got up and walked over to the stage across the room and got to work setting up the mic and getting his guitar ready. by now more and more people were filing in for the usual late afternoon rush.


	3. Weak When You're Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he's heard Otabek play this song 50+ times but it still feels the same every time.

Yuri watched Otabek set up his gear in excitement waiting to be able to hear the new song Otabek has wrote and also awaiting his break he gets to take while doing so. after taking a few peoples orders and handing the orders out he heard Otabek clear his voice over the Mic set out on the small stage. "Piggy! your breaks up and mine just started get out here" he shouted hurrying past Yuuri to find a seat in front of the stage. he shot Otabek a thumbs up and a smile before he started.

 

"Hello" His voice rung in Yuri's ears as he started talking. "you who don't know i'm Otabek Altin and I'm very happy to be back here again" sweet but to the point just like Otabek. Otabek shifted in his chair and made eye contact with Yuri "The song i'll be playing first is called [Weak when you're around](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLrIX2Fg1B0Kh8q6-VzXWqWVr-ttnjHjAO) , I hope you enjoy" Yuri felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. it still feels the same every time. when Yuri listens to Otabek sing it opens a whole new world, You can feel every emotion Otabeks feeling at the time. with ever crack of his voice comes a tight feeling in Yuri's chest and every time Otabek hit a high note a swell of pride surged through him he loved it. Otabek played for the next 20 minutes until he was done his set the bar roared with applause and Yuri didn't miss the grin that spread across Otabeks face as he walked off stage. He walked Over to Yuri and sat across from him. there was silence between the two of them for a few moments until. "Beka that was amazing!" Yuri gushed " you were so good, I loved your new song why haven't you played it for be before!" Otabek blushed, slightly startled at his friends sudden outburst of affection. "It was a surprise yura and besides I had to make sure you'd watch" "you big idiot! of course I would watch Beka I've never missed a single one of your shows why would I do that now?" he huffed In annoyance. all Otabek said was a simple "I know" they laughed and chatted more until Yuuri's voice brought him back to reality. "Yurio your shift started and I'm supposed to be off already" the Japanese man complained "alright yura well it looks like you need to get back to work and I should be getting home to start dinner" he said getting up and slipping on his jacket. "Wait Beka!" Yuri said grabbing his hand "one more drink before you go? please ill make your favorite" he pleaded trying to coax Otabek into staying a bit longer. Otabek just nodded letting Yuri lead him by his hand over to the bar. he started making Otabeks drink for him when he heard the door open to the bar, not thinking anything of it he finished the drink and handed it off to Otabek who sat across from him yet again

Otabek thanked him before taking a huge sip."Good?" he questioned with a smirk.

"the best" he corrected "Always the best coming from you Yura" Otabek smirked seeing the blush rise on Yuri's cheeks.

"you-" Yuri was about to reply before a very familiar and very unwelcome voice cuts him off. Fucking JJ of all people had to come and ruin the moment.

"Ah Kitten, I was hoping id see you here~' JJ purred over the counter to Yuri while sitting down next to Otabek.

"I work here dumbass, Buy something or get out" He said matter of factually.

"If that's the case I'll have whatever prettyboy's Having" he gestured to Otabek. who had his head cocked and and eyebrow raised towards him. Yuri looked at him seriously.

"Are you sure you're man enough?" Yuri seethed 

"Well if he is then I Have to be" JJ said gesturing to Otabek yet again. Yuri made a sound of annoyance at hearing him openly rail on Otabek.

"Mila. Make JJ a Russian Blue" he barked down to his fellow bartender and friend who was currently occupied by chatting up a regular brunette she always serves.

"Sure thing Yurio" she sang grabbing bottles and a glass.

So Kitten" JJ's brought his attention back to the two in front of him. "I came here for a reason you see my band is having a pre tour party and I'm without a date. surprising I know but I was looking to see if you'd be interested" he looked between him and Otabek then remembered Otabeks words from yesterday. "maybe you should just agree to shut him up" Yuri paused looking at the Canadian in thought. 

"Alright" Yuri could have sworn he saw Otabek choke on his drink "Under one condition, one "date" he said using air quotes "If I don't like it then you stop asking for fucks sake because this is kind of getting pathetic"

 

"Great! ill pick you up tomorrow at 4!" he said slipping his phone over to Yuri so he could enter his contact information in his phone. "Wear something nice" he looked yuri up and down "hmm I'm thinking something tight and leather" JJ purrs "I think its time for me to go now Yura I will see you tonight" Otabek said gruffly Placing a few bills onto the counter and standing to leave. "wait you haven't even finished your drink!" Yuri argued. Otabek took his drink and downed the almost full glass of vodka whilst keeping eye contact with Yuri, He set the glass down and walked out of the bar. He just really needed to get out of there. "o-okay bye I guess" Yuri sighed sounding defeated and confused "well I got what I wanted ill see you tomorrow Kitten, remember. tight" swiftly paying for his drink that never seemed to arrive he walked out the door. "Ugh men" he sighed wiping down the counter.


	4. So Weak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He just really needed to get out of there ___

He just really needed to get out of there. Otabek let out a large sigh when he got to his bike coming to the realization that he had forgotten his Helmet on the bar. Weighing the two choices and decided the increased risk of death was better then having to walk back in there and listen to JJ shamelessly flirt with Yuri right in front of him. Sitting on his bike and starting up the bike he breathed a sigh of relief taking off down the road towards there apartment. He couldn't help but to think of how much Yuri loved his motorcycle and how JJ didn't have one. He knew it was childish but it made him feel a tiny bit better. He arrived home about 10 minutes earlier than usual Probably due to his excessive speed, He'll have to remember to scold himself for it later. He walked into the building then into the elevator. the punched in his floor then leaned onto the wall tilting his head back. He heard his phone sound with a roar indicating Yuri had sent him a text. yes a roar, it seemed fitting enough. 

Before Otabek could answer the doors to the elevator opened. He pushed off the wall ad walked down the hall towards his door. after fumbling with his key a bit he pushed into the apartment and walked straight to the kitchen. he set his phone and wallet onto the counter and slid down until he was sitting on the floor cross-legged with his head in his hands. he finally had the chance to breathe and think. he wasn't sure if this was a good or bad thing. He could finally think but the only thing he could really focused on was that fact that Yuri was going to be going to a party with a date, and that date was JJ of all people. he gripped at his hair and started tugging,falling back into anxious habits. 

 

"This is all my fault" he spoke out into the empty apartment. "I'm so fucking stupid" He seethed feeling wetness fall on his cheeks. gathering himself enough to stand up he practically ran to his room to retrieve a pack of cigarettes from his dresser. Otabek Altin was not a smoker, But damn did he need one right about now. all day his nerves were getting to him. they always did when ever he played a new song in front of Yuri. he's always skeptical that Yuri might see past the "Random muse" act and see that all of Otabeks songs were about him.

 

Otabek slid down the wall, hands clutching at his face. He was shaking and could feel the tears starting to well in his eyes. How could he be so stupid?. he Was sat outside on the floor of his balcony inhaling and exhaling his anxiety away cigarette after cigarette. He eventually got cold enough to go inside. He walked over to his phone to check the message Yuri had sent him earlier.

_Yura _: Hey Beka, Viktor's making me stay a bit later tonight so you're going to have to decide on dinner yourself I'm sure what ever you pick will be fine. Also you left your helmet on the bar here so i'll make sure to bring it home <3__

___Sent _: Thank you Yura.__ _ _

____deciding he wasn't particularly in the mood to be hungry he set his phone down and ran a hand through his hair. _What am I going to do until Yuri comes home? _Sighing he made his way over to the guitar set out in the living room _I may as well I mean Yuri's not going to be home for a while and besides I may as well figure out my set for tomorrow, Yuri has a date with JJ tomorrow _Picking up his guitar he ran his fingers over the strings and began playing the first mix of chords he could remember But the song he was playing now is a new one. He went with it then suddenly one song went to four and he'd lost himself to the music. Otabek Failed to here his phone, the front door open or Yuri enter._____ _ _ _

________~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He sent Otabek a text explaining his absences for a few extra hours. he started cleaning up around the bar and sorting the bottles at the back while he served a few remaining people their drinks he heard his phone buzz, quickly checking it to make sure it was Otabek he looked at the message before locking his phone. _Thanks Yura. God he's been acting weird all damn day I'll talk to him when I get home I guess _he thought cleaning up some of the tables closest to the bar. It was pretty quiet now that they were close to closing time. Feeling his phone go off again he pulled it out and saw he had a text from Mila along with a video.___ _ > _Hag _: Damn Yurio your boyfriend is making my Balcony smell like smoke >:( and I knew your boyfriend was talented but this is so much better.__ _ _ _ _ _ _The video was on Mila's balcony and Otabeks voice could be heard coming from the apartment below her._ _

_____________sent _: Sorry Hag, I'll talk to him about the smoking thing.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He blushed at the "Boyfriend" comment then shot a quick text back to her before pausing and bringing the phone up to his ear to hear Otabek better, He didn't recognize the song but more the tone and voice cracks that only Yuri knew meant. _Oh man am I gonna have to talk with him _After he was done he closed up that bar and said his goodbyes to the last remaining workers those being Viktor, Yuri and Sara. Fumbling with his keys due to the cold making his hands shake he finally got into his car and sped off towards the apartments. _God I hope Beka got pizza _he thought pulling into his parking spot and sliding out of his car. While he was in the elevator he sent Otabek a text telling him that he was home. He opened his door with surprising ease considering his luck with keys, He heard Otabek before he was even in the door._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________"Hey Beka I'm home" he announced not wanting to startle him.  
~  
He stopped playing and looked up when Yuri sat down next to him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________"Oh yura hello, how was work?"he replied slowly. putting his guitar back on the stand and sitting next to him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________"It was Lame not having you there to sing for me" Yuri replied sitting down on his lap and pulling the blanket on the couch over them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________"I'll be there tomorrow" Otabek reminded him. then wrapped his arms around yuri as he spoke._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________"Ugh why cant you be there everyday" Yuri sighed then looked up at him "Otabek. the hag upstairs said you were smoking and you seemed really off today is everything okay?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________"Yeah" he paused "my nerves were just getting to me today" Otabek spoke softly _Well I guess that's most of the truth _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________"Well you did amazing today" Yuri smiled up at him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Otabek couldn't help but feel guilty. _He just wants to be there for me and all i can do is lie to him _"Thank you Yura you're too kind" he said tightening his grip around Yuri.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________"Hey beka?" Yuri questioned._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________"Yes yura?" he laughed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________"can we get pizza for dinner considering i don't think you ended up getting anything"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________"Yes yura."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	5. Gatekeeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The calm part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I was out from school today at the hospital so I decided to type out another chapter! Enjoy and remember I love everyone's comments~ <3

Yuri sighed lightly as Otabek stood and softly placed him on the couch to Call their usual Pizza place. He picked up the remote and started flipping through the different Movies and shows that were on when he spotted Voltron, the new show everyone seemed to be smitten with he wanted to see what the hype with gay astronaut's and mechacats was all about. He Was intently watching From what hes gathered so far, Keith, the emo space cowboy and Shiro, the space dad that's always trying to die fight off some space monster when Otabek came and sat back down next to him.

 

"Pizza should be here in about half an hour" Otabek looked up at the screen and let out a big sigh. "Gotta love some sheith right?" he looked up at Yuri awaiting his reply when he saw his face turn sour.

 

"Aye Dumbass what are you talking about Klance is where it's at" Yuri argued shooting a look at the man now laying next to him. "Besides shiro is always going missing anyways" 

 

"Now yuri that s where you're wrong" He paused to sit up and look at Yuri properly "Shiro and Keith have a past! They K-" He was cut off by Yuris sharp voice.

 

"Otabek.Fucking.Altin. you did not watch ahead of me did you?" He stood and crossed his arms firmly over his chest looking pointedly at his friend. "ou said you wouldn't watch ahead of me! how rude of you honesty Otabe-" He was cut off by a deep and Melodic laughter.

 

"No yura I didn't watch ahead of you, you fell asleep a few times and missed some stuff" He explained looking up at The blond in pure amusement.

 

"well klance is still the r-AHHH NO NO STOP PLEASE!" he shrieked when Otabek pulled Yuri down on the couch and began to tickle him.

 

"Say Sheith is the better ship and ill stop!" he laughed pinning the younger down

 

"NO NEVE- FUCK SAKES OTABEK PLEASE AH HAHA" He squirmed and flailed trying to get away but to no avail. 

 

"Yura I'm afraid you're gong to have to say it for me to stop" Otabek shook with laughter while Yuri shrieked and Squirmed under him. They were cut off by a sharp knock on the door. Otabek rose from his position on the couch and walked to the front hall to recived the food. Meanwhile Yuri had gotten up and poured them both drink and set them at the coffee table they had infront of the couch. Otabek walked into the living room setting down the pizza boxes on the table and turning to Yuri.

 

"Alright. the foods here" he turned around to Yuri handing him a plate of pizza and sitting next to him with his own.

 

"thank you Beka" Yuri smiled up at him before fixating on the show in front of them.

 

They stayed like that for a while until Yuri and Otabek broke out in thunderous laughter. Yuri's pizza dripped sauce on his neck. Otabek turned to Yuri and wiped the sauce off with a far away look in his eye. Otabek sighed leaning back against the couch.

 

"Yura you have work early tomorrow, maybe you should get some rest" He purposely failed to mention the date. 

 

Yuri stood with a fake pout and extended his arms down Towards Otabek. "Alright. I guess goodnight" dramatically sighing he leaned against Otabek, Almost falling asleep against him. 

 

"Goodnight yura I hope you sleep well" 

 

"You too Beka" He Turned the corner to his bedroom then collapsed onto his bed kicking the door closed. Yuri never realized how tired he really was until he found his eyes dropping shut.

 

Meanwhile Otabek was just finished cleaning the kitchen and living room when he heard his phone chime. He walked over to his phone almost tripping in the process and looked at the message. 

 

Christophe: Otabek~ are you free tomorrow? 

 

He quirked an eyebrow at the spontaneous text before shooting off his own reply. 

 

Sent: Yes, I do believe I am free tomorrow. May I ask why? 

 

Almost instantaneously Otabek hears his phone chime again. 

 

Christophe: Well one of the performers booked for tomorrow at my club had to cancel last minute and of course who else would I want to play at my club other than Otabek Altin~ so what do you say handsome, you in? 

 

Otabek couldn't help but read and re-read the text on the screen in front of him. This is my first real gig, I can't wait to tell yura when he wakes up 

 

sent: Sure, when would it be? 

 

Christophe:7:30 to 9 <3 

 

Sent: Okay thanks, anything in particular I would need to wear? 

 

Christophe: Fabulous! I'll see you tomorrow night! wear something Charming 

He locked his phone after reading the message and lied down settling in for the night. Tomorrows going to be an experience for sure

-

Yuri wakes up Shivering and with a headache. "Jesus fucking Christ" /I forgot to close the fucking blinds again ugh/ He sat up stretching his tight limbs, Yuri stood up and made his way to the bathroom in hopes that Otabek wasn't awake yet so he could shower. / I need to pick out an outfit for later when I get back, Ugh what an arrogant asshole Tight/ Humming as he shut off the tap he stepped out and wrapped a towel tightly around his hips. /I should leave a note for Beka/ He slid his finger across the steamy bathroom mirror creating a note for the other to see. It was a habit the two picked up shortly after moving in together. Yuri slipped on a pair of joggers and a hoodie then walked out into the kitchen just in time to see his cat Or should he say Bekas cat come prowling out of Otabeks room and over to him. He looked at he and scoffed "Boyfriend stealer" /Where the hell did that come from/ the remark surprised even him but all he got in reply was a soft purr as the cat rubbed herself across his legs. "yeah yeah I'm getting your food now calm down" After feeding Polina he slipped on his runners and walked out the door. \- Otabek woke up suddenly with a crushing weight on his chest. Polina was perched on his chest staring intently at his face until he shooed he off. "Who's a hungry girl?" He cooed scratching her back and pushing himself out of bed. /It's awfully quiet I wonder were Yura got off to/ following the cat out of his bedroom and into the kitchen setting out some food for her. "There you go Princess" he chuckled when the cat replied with a loud meow. /shower or breakfast/ He thought looking ppit the window in the living room still waking up. /shower it is/ Walking into the bathroom he looked up at the note on the mirror _Beka, I went out for a run ill be back soon but don't wait up. Ps I already fed the Brat so don't let her trick you into feeding her again ___

He scoffed after reading the last part /Well it's a little late now I guess"

 

He got into the shower letting the hot stream of water relax his muscles until he couldn't take the suffocating heat. after he was done he dressed himself in a casual outfit. While he was sitting on his bed booting up his laptop he got a text from Christophe

 

Christophe: Just out of curiosity what is it that you will be playing for us tonight?

 

Sent: Well I was just preparing some mixes is that alright? or did you have something else in mind?

 

Christophe: No, that will be alright thank you! also remember wear something that will make an impression.

 

Sent: alright thank you, Ill see you tonight

 

Christophe: See you tonight "Dj Darkhorse" 

 

Otabek locked his phone and continued with his laptop he was setting up a playlist with all of his best mixes /May as well make my "debut" a good one/ he was just finishing up the playlist when he heard the front door slam shut and heavy footsteps approaching his room.


	6. Because thats what (best)friends do.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You look great.”Yuri blushed and averted his eyes to focus his attention on tucking in the shirt. The rest of the getting ready consisted of Otabek stealing forehead kisses while doing Yuri's hair and Yuri simultaneously giggling and telling him to get lost. (because that's what bestfriends did)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can see the outfits for Yuri and Otabek Here> http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=221644366

Otabeks door was slammed, startling the feline on his bed. He looked up at the door cocking his eyebrow at the panting blond in front of him.

"Hello yura, how was your day?" he slid his laptop onto his bedside table and turned back to Yuri who had thrown himself onto Otabeks bed.

 

"I'm so tiiired" Yuri groaned pressing his face into the mattress. Otabek moved to run his fingers through Yuri's hair in an attempt to calm him down.

 

"What can I do to help" Otabek pushed Yuri's hair over his shoulder and smooth it down his back.

 

"I know we both have to leave in a few hours but, Can you please sing for me?" He looked up at Otabek giving his best pout. "I'll help you get dressed for your "date"" Yuri laughed hearing Otabek groan at his emphasis on date.

 

"Yura I told you already, its not a date. I'm just going out And yes ill sing a bit for you, did you have anything in mind?" Otabek had purposely not told Yuri about Christophe's texts. The last thing he needed was Yuri dragging JJ to one of his shows.

 

"What's that song I always here you practicing on guitar it's so pretty" Yuri looked up at him excitedly "Play that [one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sm1bTL4bQXQ) "

 

"Yes yura" Otabek huffed out a laugh walking past him and to the living room. He sat down on the couch with his guitar ready on his lap smiling at yuri. "okay here we go" he exhaled one last time before starting the melody.

 

Yuri leans against the door frame and crosses his arms, content to watch the wonderful show in front of him. He can’t point to one specific reason why the sight of Otabek singing moves him so much, its more of a combination of all of it. It’s the way his face fills with passion when he’s doing something he clearly loves. It’s like Yuri’s getting to know Otabek all over again in a completely different light. Learning about another side of him… it’s not a better or more beautiful side, but different and lovely just the same. Like the first breath Yuri took after Otabek talked to him the first time. Or the moment their lips first touched. The first ‘I love you.’ He’s been getting to know Otabek for years and each time he feels like he understands just what Otabek is about, he discovers that there’s still so much more. 

 

Singing? This is a great deal more and Yuri never wants it to stop. He can’t wait for him to get to Recording in a studio or a concert instead of playing at coffee shops . Otabek will get on the stage where be belongs with the bright lights shining down on him and the entire world will take notice. The city will fall to its knees at the raw talent of his perfect bestfriend and Yuri will be there to see it all. Then they’ll go home together and Yuri will cook him a beautiful dinner and make sassy comments. Because that's what bestfriends do, Or at least they did.

Yuri had zoned out listening to Otabek but was brought back to reality by the ending of the song and the last sounds of Otabeks voice fading. "Otabek you're fucking amazing!"

 

"thank you yura I'm glad you liked it" Otabek shifted while putting his guitar down trying to hide the blush on his face. "Now I believe I was promised a personal stylist?" he teased standing up from the couch.

 

Yuri snorted and walked into the others room Otabek following behind. "Alright" Yuri paused opening Otabeks closet "Jesus Christ Beks how am I supposed to find anything in here" he looked over at Otabek and only got a shrug in reply. Yuri sighed scanning the closet until his eyes landed on a black article of clothing. upon closer inspection it was a leather jacket, the one that Yuri had gotten him to be precise. "perfect Beka were going with leather and lots of black tonight"

 

"so you mean every one of your outfits yura?" Otabek snorted looking up at the blond in amusement 

 

"Oh shut up" he snapped picking up a few more clothing pieces and chucking them at Otabek. "There. get dressed quickly so I can do your hair" Yuri sits on the raven haired mans bed waiting for him to finish getting ready. He looks around the room at the messy clothes that had been thrown on the floor. another one of Otabeks guitars was resting against his desk with a sock hanging off the top. Yuri laughed as Otabek turned back towards the other man. A large blush spread across Yuri's cheeks as he noticed that his friend was clad only in his boxers. Yuri quickly turned away from the man and his blush continued to cover his whole face. He stays quiet and keeps his eyes focused on Otabek's Floor .

 

Otabek turned and looks over his shoulder at Yuri due to the lack of chatter from the other man. Otabek blinked in confusion as he noticed that Yuri was looking away from him and blushing. what Had affected Yuri that much? "Yura, You alright?" Otabek asked as he quickly pulled on his jeans. From where Yuri was sat on the bed the man only continued to blush more. He gave a quick nod while keeping his eyes focused on the floor. Otabek grabbed his shirt and walked over to the bed. He smiled and sat close to Yuri, He must have been getting nervous about his date with JJ.

"Yura is this about JJ and tonight?" He grabbed Yuri's hand and started rubbing circles into Yuri's palm with his thumb. "If you have a bad time, ill kick his ass for you" Otabek added.

 

Yuri grinned up at him "you're such a fucking dork, But now I need to pick out an outfit and ill need your help" He stood up and grabbed Otabeks hand leading him to the living room. "Okay you sit here and ill come out to show you" Otabek just nodded in reply as Yuri walked into his room. 

It took Yuri about 20 minutes to get ready, Most of those 20 minutes spent “How do I look?” he asked, apprehension evident in his tone. He stood in the living room backlit by the kitchen light. Otabek adjusted his position on the couch so he could see Yuri better.. He stood in front of Wonsik in what he hoped would be a neutral outfit - one to make him presentable without being too over the top. He had gone for something simple, something he felt he couldn’t fail with: a white shirt with black pants, a leather jacket to match Otabeks and some studded creepers to finish the look off. It seemed foolproof.

 

“You look great.” Yuri blushed and averted his eyes to focus his attention on tucking in the shirt. The rest of the getting ready consisted of Otabek stealing forehead kisses while doing Yuri's hair and Yuri simultaneously giggling and telling him to get lost. (because that's what bestfriends did) The pair were brought back to reality when both of their phones went off in the other room. "JJ's here Beka ill see you later" Yuri shoved his phone into his back pocket 

 

"Yeah, I need to get going too" Otabek said grabbing his phone and keys

 

 

"Have a good time okay?" Yuri whispered embracing Otabek in a tight hug.

 

"Have a good time Yura and if you don't, remember I'll kick his ass" Otabek let go and pressed a lingering kiss to Yuri's forehead.

 

Yuri walked out closing the door behind him.

 

Otabek walked into his room and packed a back with few things; Headphones, wallet and usb with his playlist. Then made his way out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys the next two chapters should be out in two or three days depending on my skating schedule so look forward to that! here's some fluff before the mess


	7. why'd you only call me when you're high ? (yuri)

He walked out closing the door behind him, Yuri sighed running his fingers through his hair. His heart beating almost as loud as his shoes against the floor walking to the elevator. when he made it to the lobby he stepped out of the elevator and walked straight to the bright red Porsche Boxster Running just outside the building. swinging the door open and sliding in he greeted the man waiting in the drivers seat. "Hey JJ"

JJ looked up from the joint on his lap previously occupying him "Oh hey kitten, you look great" He smirked at the blonde before passing him the joint. "For you, before we go drinking"

"Ah I see you're still as bad of an influence now as you were in high school" Yuri grimaced at the memory. JJ had thrown a "small" house party to celebrate the end of school that particular party involved about 100 to 140 very drunk teenagers. Well somewhere towards the end of the night when Yuri and Otabek were both very drunk, JJ clapped his hands together getting as many peoples attention as he could while a short and Freckled brunette boy filled an alarming amount of shot glasses on the coffee table in front of the boys. "Alright boys, you have two minutes to finish as many of these as you can. the one to drink the most wins." The timer had started and him and Otabek had started nocking back shots one after another. Yuri felt the liquid burn his throat until about the sixth shot when his throat had gone numb, the timer went off shortly after and the boys layed against the back of the couch panting and chugging bottles of water in a poor attempt to soothe their throats. JJ stood up in front of the table "Alright it looks like Otabek won by... Four shots!" there was a short period of cheering before everything went back to normal and Otabek had slipped Yuri away from the party and brought him back home to take care of him.

"Well you're not wrong" He chuckled passing his lighter to Yuri and started driving down the busy street. Yuri brought the joint to his mouth lighting the end. The smoke burned coming up making him cough out smoke. JJ chucked earning a rather rude hand gestor from Yuri before he turned looking out the window and continued with the "smoke". "Christophe's got a new DJ tonight, they call him "DJ Dark horse"" Yuri perked up at the familiar name /I wonder if Otabek knows someone took his name/ he thought watching the cars pass theirs.

They arrived at the club pretty quickly, walking through the doors and heading straight to the bar. The bartender, A light tan man with long hair. "Hey Leo" JJ greeted the man "A round of assorted shots to start please" he grinned at Yuri. who was looking down at his phone.

 

Yuri texted Otabek about the Dj playing tonight. it was generic popular songs playing but, they were somehow still appealing to listen to.

Sent: Hey Beka <3 I hope your dates going good but, I'm at Christophe's and they have this new Dj his names Dj Dark horse. it would seem you've been robbed but he's actually really good. 

He set this phone down on the table awaiting his reply, Yuri looked back at JJ and started blushing when he realized JJ had been watching him. the tension was cut short when "Leo" put down six different shots in front of them, JJ began arranging them into two sets of three and passing Yuri one of the groups. "Here you go, I don't like those so you can have them" JJ smiled "Thanks" Yuri said dryly. They both rushed to down the shots. JJ and Yuri both choking at times. once done JJ slid closer to Yuri to whisper in his ear. "So kitten how's about be dance for a bit then head back to mine yeah?" JJ slid his arms around Yuri stroking up his sides. "We'll see Leroy" Yuri shot back standing up from his place at the bar. once they were on the dance floor Yuri could really hear the music. The music punded loudly in the club, Dark heavy dance beats that caused the floor to vibrate under his feet. JJ pulled Yuri by the waist and started to sway and grind their hips Yuri followed along into the deeper dips and sways, leaning back against the firm chest and allowed his hands to creep behind him to latch onto the loops in JJ’s jeans, bringing them even closer together. When he finally felt confident enough to steal a glance upwards he ended up staring straight up into JJ’s Blue eyes as the other rolled his hips even deeper, following the beat of the song. One of Yuri’s hands crept up the other’s torso to latch around his neck and pull him down to his level, dancing with their foreheads pressed together. JJ’s fingers tightened around Yuri’s hips and pulled him flush against him as his eyes closed and he rolled his head down further to rub their temples together. Yuri couldn’t resist the urge to close his own eyes and gasp harshly into JJ’s ear as his trapped erection ground into JJ’s hip. “Fuck, Yuri,” JJ groaned into his ear, mouthing at his neck and snapping his hips once again into the countertenor’s. Yuri's eyes would have rolled back if they hadn’t already been squeezed tightly shut. “You wanna get out of here?” "mmm yeah" Yuri breathed "Alright I'm just going to go say goodbye to Leo ill meet you outside" JJ said hurriedly and sped off in the direction of the bar. Yuri was making his way the the exit of the club when he heard a familiar melodic laughter, He whipped around earning a few curious stares. Scanning the tables scattered by the bar he spotted a familiar undercut and leather jacket. He was walking over to him when he saw a girl slip into the seat next to him. /That must be his date/ his thoughts were cut off by someone wrapping there arms around him. "ah Yurio! its so good to see you, here for Otabeks big debut? how was it?" Christophe asked grinning at the blonde in front of him. Yuri took a few moments to process what was said to him when he caught on to it he froze, A wave of anger washed over him like cold water. "His big debut?" He questioned cocking an eyebrow at the man standing in front of him. "A few days ago I offered Otabek a position as a DJ here Tonight was his big Debut! in fact he's just over there with one of our dancers, Katie" The man turned Yuri towards the table and pointed "see!" "I've got to go" Yuri pushed his way out of the club as fast as possible making his way outside, He was fuming in anger over this /how could Beka let me miss this? why would he not tell me?, did he not want me here?/ his thoughts were cut short yet again when JJ came stumbling out of the club and walking yuri straight to the car. The drive to JJ's was short and spent in silence but once they got to JJ's they hurried into the elevator, JJ had Yuri pressed against the wall his lips on Yuri's mouth, jaw and neck but the moment was cut short once they'd arrived to his floor. It wasn’t until they had finally stumbled into his room that things got really heated. Rough fingers on skin, JJ's wonderful hands on his thighs, chest, hips, face, everywhere.    
His lips where on Yuri's throat, grunting low and attractive against the sensitive skin and Yuri dug his hands into JJ's hair, wrapping his legs around him with a sigh and a moan while JJ pushed into him. He reveled in the feeling and threw his head back in pleasure, moaning and closing his eyes. Through the hazy fog of pleasure slipped images into his mushy mind, like single stars twinkling through clouds at night. As he clung to JJ and let him take him willingly, one image stuck to his mind /Otabek/. He tried to shake it but thinking was difficult as JJ hit the good spot inside him over and over again and wrapped his long, thin fingers around his painfully hard erection. Yuri buried his face in the crook of JJ's neck and moaned in pleasure. 

 "More, oh fuck...come on..." Strings of meaningless curses in a mix of English and Russian dripped from his lips and his breath hitched when JJ pushed in deeper, quickening his pace. The other man mumbled a string of vulgarities against his throat before sucking on it forcefully, keen to leave a mark.  
   
A face flashed before Yuri's inner eye and he tried to shake it physically, holding JJ even closer, breathing in his scent. JJ's chin was scratchy from a long day and images of dark scruff against his skin flickered through Yuri's mind. He pressed his eyes shut and tried to concentrate on the strong feeling between his legs, on the skilled fingers around his cock and the painful yet amazing feeling of JJ thrusting into him over and over and over again, spreading him, pushing him deeper into the mattress. He wondered what it would feel like – no. But he could just – no, no, no.  
   
He felt a particularly deep, hard thrust and moaned loudly, digging his fingers into JJ's back. "Yes" he groaned and felt the familiar feeling of an oncoming orgasm inside him. JJ's thrust were getting more erratic too, he could feel it and the hand on his cock moved so fast now he thought he was going to lose his mind. He had lost all willpower to stop his imagination from roaming and just let it be as pleasure waved over him.  
   
"Yes" he moaned breathlessly and held on tight to the body above him, eyes still screwed shut, the pleasure creating a toxic mix between reality and imagination in his foggy brain. "Yes, Fuck i'm gonna...."he almost sobbed, "'m gonna.... oh god ...." He moaned loudly as he felt a particularly hard, final thrust that send him over the edge and he mindlessly let the pleasure wash over him, strings of words and groans falling from his lips. 

" Otabek"  
   
He came round from his climax and opened his eyes, blinking once or twice to see JJ's face in front of his. He immediately knew he had fucked up, he could read it on the other's face. Yuri could see it in his face, the way the other's man's brows had furrowed slightly and his eyes searched his face his in confusion.  
   
"What?" Yuri tried half-heartedly, his breathing still shallow.  
   
"Did you just...?" JJ seemed to search his face for an answer but Yuri could just look back with big eyes. «Did you just say your Bestfriends name?» JJ asked eventually, trying to push a confused smile onto his face that died as quickly as soon as it had appeared.  
   
Numb panic spread through Yuri. "What the fuck, No?" he said helplessly.  
   
JJ frowned and Yuri swallowed hard. "Did I?" he tried again, trying to think of a way to repair the damage. He knew what he had said.  
   
"Yeah you..." JJ stared at him for a big and then sat back, pulling out of Yuri To Yuri the sensation felt like he could physically feel him slip away from him, like water though fingers while he wanted so desperately hold on to it. "You did, I think."  
   
Yuri propped himself up on his elbows. He felt exposed and uncomfortable, his mind racing. He hadn't meant it, he hadn't meant it, was all he could think. He plastered a fake grin on his face, desperate to avoid confrontation.

Anger flashed up in Yuri's stomach and he got out of bed. "What do you want me to say, huh?" he bit back and turned away from JJ. He grabbed an old towel and half-heartedly wiped his own cum from his stomach before carelessly throwing it into a corner. "What – what are you even trying to accuse me of here?"  
   
JJ's eyes followed him across the room. "I'm not accusing you of anything, Yuri , but you're getting awfully defensive considering."   
Yuri let out a cold laugh, "Yeah no, I'm not defensive. Nothing to be defensive about." he mumbled and walked to grab a his boxers from the floor.  
   
JJ had gotten up from the bed and walked over to Yuri . "I just asked, didn't I? Clam down."

" can see that, yeah!"

"I need to get out," said Yuri grabbed his clothes pulling them on and leaving out the front door.

The bus finally came and Yuri climbed in, payed for a ticket and sat down on the first available seat on the thankfully relatively empty bus. with a sigh he leaned his head against the cold window, staring outside into the darkness. But all he could really see was his own reflection and so he closed his eyes.

/What have I done/

Yuri got off at the bus stop right by his apartment building, crossing the street and making it into his building he sighed pulling out his house key. /Please work/ he walked through the doors of the elevator. he tapped his food waiting for his floor anxiously, after what felt like an eternity he walked down the hall to his apartment door "Please work" He sighed pushing his key through the door and turning the knob. /Thank fucking god/ 

pushing the door open he flicked on the lights and looked around, The house was empty. /Hmm I wonder when Bekas getting home/ Closing the door he walked over to the cat sleeping soundly on the couch. "Hey girly I'm home" he cooed "are you hungry?" the cat visually perked up at that question making Yuri laugh. "Alright let me get you some food then" After filling the cats dish with wet food and setting it down on the floor he stood up and looked around the apartment. /I need a bath/ he walked into the bathroom grabbing a towel and beginning to fill the tub. 

Yuri preferred baths to showers , they gave him time to think about everything. Sitting in the bath with the calmness of the water and bubbles around are oddly calming. After setting up a playlist on his phone Yuri descended into the bath, bubbles start to surround him, soft piano music is playing from his phone, He finally gets to relax. Yuri closed his eyes and rested his head back against the wall, relaxing. five minutes into his relaxing Yuri fell into a restful sleep.

 

it was roughly half an hour later when Yuri was suddenly awoken by voices and loud noises coming from his front hall.


	8. cog·ni·tive destination (Otabek)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I'm really sorry for not updating lately, I'm in my last month of this school year so the stress of finals are getting to me and practice has been insane but ill try as hard as I can to keep updating

Otabek walked into his room and packed a back with few things; Headphones, wallet and usb with his playlist. Then made his way out the door, He walked over to a sleek black limo that Christophe had ordered him and slid in the backseat. The car started off down the street while he sat there thinking of anything but the blonde he secretly hoped to see.

Once Otabek got to the club and was immediately ushered to the Dj booth and set up with a drink. after he sets up his gear he runs fingers over mixers and got to work.He grinned down at the spinning records under his hands loving the thrill of Djing. He had been on a roll, with the beats flowing through his fingertips like fucking magic. feeling the energy of the club he looks over the turn tables and down to the crowd his eyes fixed on a girl with long blonde hair she was having fun, dancing around to the club's music like she is under a spotlight or something, and everyone around her slowly fades away until there is no one left in the room but her. that was until "she" turned around and Otabeks stomach sank. /I thought he was supposed to be at a party with JJ/ Due to the surprise Otabeks fingers stumbled a bit. he managed to stumble through the next half an hour of his shift until it was finally over.

He made his way over to the unusually quiet bar. Before he could order a drink a pale girl with long blonde hair and bright blue eyes sat down and turned to him.

“Tori Williams.” she stuck out her hand in greeting.

“Ah- I am Otabek.” he said a little confused 

the conversation went smooth with a few drinks turning into many, small flirtation turned to Overly affectionate touches until he was being pulled into the women's bathroom and pushed against the wall. 

Light pecks and even lighter touches got tiring after a while. Tired of all this fluffy nonsense, Otabek pressed his body against Alex’s and seized her lips. She didn’t hesitate to lock tongues with him, and they soon found themselves begging and pleading for entry into the other person’s mouths. Her lips and body were heated, and he found himself running his hands on her hips.The kiss was about to deepen when she lightly pulled his hair and Otabek let out a low moan "Yura"

Tori pushed him away making Otabek cough awkwardly, The shame sobering him up.

"what's wrong babe?" Otabek tried, desperately hoping she didn't hear.

"what did you say?" Tori glared him down making him press himself into the wall even more.

"Alex..." He whispered awkwardly 

She scoffed turning around and walking out, Leaving Otabek in a daze. "what the fuck" He shook is head and pulled out his phone seeing a text from Mila.

11ms Ago  
Mila: Hey Otabek I'm here ill meet you at the bar

He walked out of the bathroom and scanned the club spotting Mila chatting at the bar, while Sara made drinks and chatted back. She spotted Otabek and waved him over, he slid into the seat next to her and smiled weakly at her "Hey Mila"

"Hey Beks, shots?" The Redhead asked sensing his melancholy, The brunette nodded as Mila turned to her girlfriend. "can we get twelve shots?" 

 

"Twelve" Sara sputtered and repeated in disbelief 

 

"six for me and six for him" Mila pouted 

 

"Fine but I'm call you two a cab in about an hour" she grabbed shot glasses and began filling them up and passing them to the pair till six were lined up in front of both of them.

 

"Are you ready, Altin?" Mila teased as they raised their first glasses 

 

"Are you ready, Baba?" Otabek replied using the nickname Yuri and Otabek gave her in high school due to her being an entire grade above them, they both began downing their shots one after another until they were finished. 

"Otabek won." Sara stated handing them both another drink 

 

"He always does" Mila giggled at the memory's taking a sip of her drink then turning to Otabek while they chatted for a while. Until Mila turned to Otabek stone faced. "What's up?" she asked stirring her drink while waiting for his reply.

"Nothing much I just finished a s-" 

 

"No Otabek, What's wrong is it Yuri is he causing you troubles?" Mila was one of the many people who had figured out about Otabeks pining back in high school.

 

Otabek sighed and held his had in his hands "He was on a date with JJ" Mila gasped and he continued "And for some reason they decided to come here"

 

"But he _Hates _JJ" Mila said surprise evident in her voice.__

__

__"It's my fault all of this is" Otabek confessed a bit dizzy as his eyes began tearing up._ _

__"All of what" Mila questioned. Otabek had explained the entirety of the situation for the Gig at Vitya's to the girl in the bathroom._ _

__"Mila your cabs here" Sara leaned over to the two stopping the conversation dead in its tracks._ _

__"thank you, Il mio amore" Mila replied before standing and waited for Otabek to get up, she saw him stumbling before he fell over. "How much have you had to drink Altin?"_ _

__"Mmm a lot" he said looking up at her "I was DJing okay they just and you drinks" Laughing he got up and stumbled out the door behind her._ _

__As soon as they stepped outside the rain was driving into them, practically horizontal. Rain washed across the sidewalk, reflecting the neon signs around them.  
They saw the distinctive yellow of a taxi parked at the curb and slipped in, sighing in bliss at the dry, quiet cabin. Once they were driving and steeled Otabek slipped off his wet coat and sighed leaning his head against the window. He closed his eyes and what felt like minutes later they arrived at the apartment complex and were stumbling into the elevator. Mila led him to his apartment and patiently waiting for Otabek to get his key in the lock and open the door. He cursed tripping over the welcome mat and banging into the wall. _ _

__"Slow down kid, you're gonna hurt yourself" Mila sighed grabbing his harm and pushing him onto the couch. "Stay here. ill get you some water" she walked across the apartment and into the kitchen while Otabek rested._ _

It was peaceful and quiet. That was until they heard a door creak open and a soft voice. 

"Beka?"


	9. The past is Tense

“Beka?” Yuri’s voice came out softer than intended. He walked into the living room, sporting a towel in his hair and a pair of Otabeks sweats around his pale hips . Spotting Mila in the kitchen he lit up and walked over to her “What are you doing here?” he asked confused.

Mila gestured to the Intoxicated man on the couch, while filling a glass of water and handed it to yuri while leaning in “Bring this to him, then meet me on the balcony” she walked past him then disappeared through the balcony door. 

Yuri turned and walked over to Otabek. “Hey Moron get up, Its time for bed” he Beckoned Otabek and started walking to his room, stopping at his door and waiting for him to catch up.

Once otabek was in bed yuri placed the water next to him and just stared. He took in all of the man’s features, He took time to memorize every detail of his strong jaw and soft lips. Yuri’s studying was cut off by a deep chuckle.

“Like what you see?” Otabek was looking up at him with a sleepy smirk.

“Shut up Beka” After seeing Otabek fall asleep he walked out of the room, through the living room and onto the balcony meeting the waiting mila. The light breeze was cooling against his burning face. He leaned against the rail next to her waiting for her to speak. There was a pregnant pause before

“Yuri.”she turned to look at him directly. “You can’t keep doing this to him”

“Excuse the _fuck _out of me mil-” Yuri turned himself fully around to get a good look at her.__

__“Yuri.” She glared down at him. “You just string Otabek along playing with his feelings and never giving him direct signals, its basically torture and its wrong.” Mila stated almost matter-of-factually_ _

__

__Yuris felt his blood run cold. “What the fuck do you mean I’m stringing him along Did, Beka say any of this?” He clenched his fists around the railing hoping to calm himself down._ _

__“We’re not blind Yura, Everyone can see it. You string him along constantly you treat him like a doormat.” she paused looking yuri in the eyes “You walk all over him and the sad part is, he stays around out of sheer love, you have someone who loves you as deeply as him but you refuse to acknowledge it’ she pushed past Yuri and made her way back into the apartment and to the front door._ _

__“Fuck. you. Get out of my house.” he stated watching her hurry to put on her shoes. As Mila left she turned to say something but Yuri cut her off slamming the door in her face. Minutes passed while his mind raced and processed what the fuck had just happened “Go to hell Mila” he shouted staring at the door, she was surely gone but he didn't care. Who the hell did she think she was._ _

__

__He rushed to his bedroom and sat against the door hanging his head between his knees. “Does everyone really think that?” he wondered out loud _Does Beka think that _he choked back a sob. “Oh god” Yuri cried “My mother was _right _, I am just like her” he thought back to all the times his mother had said those very words,allowing his mind to run wild to everything then eventually to Otabek._____ _

_______Oh Otabek. _Otabek had been Yuri's first friend that was really his and not just an acquaintance. Otabek had taught him how to let people in, he showed Yuri that there really are some people worth keeping around, and finally he showed Yuri what true longing was.__ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Yuri had wanted Otabek since the Moment he’d met him, he’d wanted The man to stay by his side forever as his best friend, or at least that what he thought. He’d later realized his desire for Otabek was in a deeper way. He wanted to wake up Next to Otabek every morning and lay down next to him every night, He wanted to be able to stare into those chocolate eyes and kiss his perfect lips, he wondered if they are as soft as they look. Which scared Yuri to no end._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________As much as he wanted Otabek, He feared it he couldn't love Otabek because every time he loves someone they leave and he’ll be _Dammed _if he was going to let Otabek walk out of his life because of a mistake he was _Bound _to make._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Sighing in frustration and pain from his forming headache he picked himself up, flicked off the lights and threw himself into bed. _He has had enough of today_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ___


	10. I cant love him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry guys I've been in japan and Russia so I couldn't bring my laptop but I'm back so here's an update!

Yuri woke up with a headache and a sore throat. He had to Open the bar and it was a sunday which means he usually got a wave of men  coming in from church meaning it was going to be busy this morning. Realizing this he groaned while literally rolling out of bed, His body hit the ground with a loud thump.

“Fuck” That is how his day starts and his “luck” only continued as he walked out of his room, after getting dressed, and stubbed two of his toes on the door frame and was definitely going to be late for work “Oh for fucks sake” he cursed along with many other words grandpa would have scolded him for saying. Yuri made his way to his car as fast as possible and headed off to work.

Otabek on the other hand was having a grand old time, that was until he was woken up by the sound of a text message. Assuming it was Yuri he resisted the urge to just turn around and fall back asleep and decided to check his phone. 

_Mila: Hey Otabek, I was thinking of going to one of the clubs by my house around 9:00 tonight ad everyone's busy would you come?_

__He groaned, being woken up was one of his biggest pet peeves. Reading over the text he figured he really didn't have anything to do tonight._ _

___Sent: Yeah sure, you send me the directions and i'll meet you?”  
He threw his phone somewhere onto the carpet and turned over to fall back asleep before he had to get up._ _ _

___He was late woken up by his alarm as per usual meaning it had to be going off all day, groaning and sitting up he got to his feet to turn off the phone. After turning off his alarm and tossing his phone onto the bed, He stood tall extending his arms above his head stretching, he let out a yawn. Hearing his phone chime he looked over._ _ _

____Mila: see you in an hour! <3 ____ _ _

_____“I need to stop sleeping in all day” Otabek groaned digging into his drawers, grabbing clothes and a towel. He hurried into the bathroom, peeling off his boxers. Once the water was turned on and at the right temperature, he stepped underneath and began to wash, lightly humming to himself as he did so. Hair was first, shampooed and then conditioned before everything was washed off. Next was his body, those pale arms moving about as he started with his neck, followed by shoulders and what part of his back he could get._ _ _ _ _

_____After what felt like 20 or so minutes of just standing under the water, and feeling it run cold. He stepped out, Dried his hair and wrapped a towel around his waist humming._ _ _ _ _

_____Otabek pulled out his phone and scrolled to his speed dial numbers. There were only two numbers saved, yuris and a cab company (Due to yuuri's insisting after Otabek’s  21st birthday) and put his phone up to his ear while he searched his closet for something to wear._ _ _ _ _

_____After picking out his outfit, A grey v neck Yuri had got for him while they were shopping and a pair of black jeans, He called for a cab to pick him up in about a half an hour. He had time to sit and catch up with instagram or manly Yuris instagram for a while he kept scrolling and liking until he hit a photo of Yuri and himself. _Shit how many photos did i just like _he grimaced realizing he’d absent mindedly spammed yuri.___ _ _ _ _

_______As if on cue otabek received a text from yuri._ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Yura: :Photo received: _  
_Yura: Stalking much?___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Sent: sorry, habit. _he replied before slipping his phone in his pocket and collecting his keys and wallet.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________The cab will be here soon._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________he took the stairs figuring by the time he made it to the lobby of his cab would be waiting._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________He spotted the cab pulling up as he walked out of the building, slipping into the backseat of the cab he recited the directions  and he took off towards the club._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________What felt like only moments later the cab was parked outside the club, Otabek had payed him and was walking into the club._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Upon entering Otabek was assaulted by some cheap LED strobes that whatever DJ that was playing at the moment was most definitely using too enthusiastically. Luckily he saw milas red hair in a booth at the back of the club, before he was blinded._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Hey mila” Otabek smiled warmly seeing mila turn towards him_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Beka!” Mila squealed a little too loud, earning her some looks from the bartenders “how have you been?” she asked looking him up and down._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Busy” He admitted sitting down pausing to order a drink then continuing. ‘How about you mila?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Same as usual, I have the slow shift this month so i have more time so i guess that's good!” she smiled, Mila saw Otabek avidly checking his phone when she got an Idea_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Hey otabek i got a new instagram pass me your phone so you can follow it” Mila exclaimed grabbing otabek’s phone. Once the phone was at an angle she was sure he couldn't see the screen, she moved to settings and quickly turned off the notifications then back to instagram before passing the phone back “Thanks!” she smiled_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Wouldn’t want Yuri to ruin tonight ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________Mila rolled her eyes without otabek noticing.  
-  
Yuri took a deep breath through his nose to get fresh air into his exhausted brain and started back towards the house. His car hadn’t wanted to start again causing him to have to walk home for the third time that month. Luckily for him the air was crisp but not too cold._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________At Least beka will be home_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Yuri found himself outside of his door about 20 minutes later. As Yuri made it into his apartment, An undisturbed silence like that of a still pond greeted him in return._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________He walked further into the apartment stopping in the kitchen when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, obviously just picking up wifi. Reaching into his pocket he saw a text from mila_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________big sis: going clubbing you wanna come? _  
_big sis:I'll take your silence as a No ______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________Writing out a quick reply as he  walked around the apartment, searching for signs of life but finding none other than the sleeping cat on Otabeks bed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________sent: Sorry Baba, I was at work viktor called me in, Is Otabek with you by any chance? He's not at home_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________A few minutes later he got a text back from Mila_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________Big Sis: nope, haven't seen him in fact i decided to stay in tonight with sara _  
He sent otabek a few more texts and decided to make dinner while he waited for his reply.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________Almost two hours later with his dinner eaten, he’d had enough. Picking up his phone he dialed the last number he had called._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________“Hello Yurio this is a rare occasion, did you leave something behind?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________“Hey viktor, No I didn’t leave anything I was wondering if Otabek was scheduled tonight and I just didn’t know?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________“No actually last I heard sara had said he was out with mila tonight, did he not tell you?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________“I fucking texted mila and she said she stayed in with sara. What the fuck”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________“Sara had the shift after you, she's right here if you wanted to talk to her?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________“Fucking no, whatever it’s fine, goodnight viktor”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________“Alright goodnight yurio, say hi to Otabek for me”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________“Fuck you” he hung up with a sigh_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________where the fuck was Otabek and why did Mila lie to me ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________Feeling another headache come on he decided to head to bed. Fuck both of you two, he thought as he fell asleep  
-  
Somewhere along the line he had made it into milas bed, Naked  with mila straddling him. Otabek felt his mind go fuzzy when he tried to think of what happened at the bar._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________“Wait mila.” Otabek shook his head ‘wait. Why am I here” he looked at mila hoping for some clarification to what was going on. Why couldn't he remember that last half an hour._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________Her fingers traced across his muscles following the lines and ridges like it was the most intricate thing Yuri had ever felt.  She'd tasted better than he thought she would. God knows she felt better too, But something felt off. Otabek felt an untraceable guilt as he ran his hands through milas hair._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________“Don’t worry Otabek, It’ll be good” Mila purred running her hands through his hair, her mouth moving on to kissing Otabek’s jaw and along his neck, teeth and tongue, teasing, hot and wet, the exciting kind of sloppy. Otabek moaned  
his mouth moving on to kissing Otabek’s jaw and along his neck, teeth and tongue, teasing, hot and wet, the exciting kind of sloppy. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________“Wait b-” Otabek was cut off by his own moan  
When mila started grinding her hips into him. feeling Mila’s warm skin against his was like magic, his skin tingling, seemingly set on fire wherever she touched him, his senses kicking into overdrive, his heart beating fast and hard. Ever kiss was more than he thought he could bear yet still not quite enough, lust burning hot as it ran through his veins._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________“Beka” Mila let out a breathy moan_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________Otabek couldn't help but cringe, There was something really wrong here. The simple word everything he wanted to hear but there was something so wrong about this._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________He just couldn't figure out what _this _was___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________Until he did._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________”Yura” _he breathed out__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________He found himself Struggling to breathe with the weight of what he had just done and he weight of mila wrapped around him sound asleep. He pried her off and collected all of his clothes, rushing to get them on and get out the door. He thought about leaving a note but decided against it wanting to get to the bus station as fast as possible._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________He was running down the street in the direction of the bus stop when he felt his stomach lurch, and suddenly he was bent over and spilling the contents of his stomach onto the sidewalk. Picking himself up he continued Tears, were running down his cheeks and dripping onto his shirt as he walked slowly to the bus stop._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________Everything just feels so wrong_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________________________________I can't love him _  
In his probably last bout of luck for the day,The bus came not long after he arrived to the bus stop. Otabek climbed in, payed for a ticket and sat down on the seat at the very back of the almost empty bus.  h he leaned his head against the  cold window, watching his breath fog up the glass and fade into the darkness of outside. But all he could really see was his own reflection and so he looked forward at the only other passengers, A mother and a child he was surprised to see them out so late at night. Making up scenarios in his head only kept him occupied for a little bit, Eventually his thoughts caught up to him.  
_Altin, What the fuck did you do _  
He could almost hear Yuri’s voice in the back of his head  
Otabek got off at the bus stop right by his apartment building, crossing the street and making it into his building he sighed pulling out his house key.  
Please be asleep  
He walked through the doors of the elevator. tapping his foot waiting for his floor, after what felt like an eternity he walked down the hall to his apartment door  He sighed pushing his key through the door and turning the knob.  
pushing the door open he flicked on the lights and looked around.  
Thank fucking god he’s asleep  
Otabek was in no state to take whatever tongue lashing Yuri was going to give him, and would prefer to completely avoid the issue till later.  
Closing the door, he walked into the kitchen, to grab a much needed glass of water. He stood and looked around the apartment.  
I need to sleep  
He groaned, all of the exhaustion was getting to him all at once. His legs felt shaky as he carried himself to his bed tucking himself under the covers and Drifting away minutes later.____ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
